Melville Seeks Legitimate Income

Melville wanted cash to enjoy the colorful tourist life of DC. He craved adventure, too. His Georgewashingbun currency having nearly triggered a Secret Service undercove counterfeiting operation, he determined to pursue gainful employment.

Word on the street, variously confirmed, said prospective employers would demand a photo ID, Social Security card and completed I-9 Immigration form.

Well, thought Melville, I’ll just use Bronson’s ID. “If I tell ’em I broke or sprained my ears, they won’t realize I’m a lop.” The difference in  fur color — well, the fur just faded to Tricolor during a summer in the sun on the beach.

Having encountered charismatic Secret Service agents in the rabbit dollar incident, Melville aspired to a position as Investigator. Harey Potter cleverly forged a Social Security card for him using the HP printer back at The Borough, and one rainy day Melville slogged through the odium of completing an online USAJobs profile; and he filed an application for an Investigatory Officer position within The Department of Treasury, United States Secret Service.

Realuzing that he was a natural as a bellhop, Melville also sought employment at The Willard Intercontinental Hotel two blocks from the White House on F Street. This premier hotel for businessmen with lobbying interests and birthplace of American-style Byzantine intrigue, had standing as a Washington institution even before the Civil War. Given The Willard’s  potential to attract #bunnyworlddominion co-conspirators, Melville could not resist The Willard’s allure (feature photo).

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