A military logistics expert once stated “Luck is just failed preparation.” Clearly the last two years have proved abundantly lucky.
Yes, I knew my parents likely would predecease me, but I had no idea how the very framework of my world would rock. Yes, I had always intended to lose contact with my siblings, but I had no clue they had waited also for this time to somehow take a revenge (?) for which they had seemingly waited a lifetime. I never expected to see them from this extremely negative viewpoint on character.
I did not expect to continue BirbObserver, but Saturday for the first time in months I did the first full publication since the original non-profit dissolved. I’m quite pleased with it. Check it out.
Dad died February 24, 2017. Mom passed away in May after six months on hospice. In early August my sisters started acting like enemies I didn’t know I had. So much has happened in the last 21 months, it’s hard to solidify the new perception point.
I had not expected the “sister thing” to happen, but looking at family history, that was the one set of traumatizing relationships that escaped therapy and examination. The disorientation is understandable: the sisters were encouraged and reward for discounting me throughout my childhood. I was under the obligation of pretending that didn’t happen. Until the framework broke when the Enforcer, dad, was no longer there.
I’m still storting through lots of old habits that arose dysfunctionally and still stymy me. Yes, with Complex PTSD I do have trouble with frustration and impulse control when I am fatigued. Embarrassingly, I’m still wearing my heart on my sleeve until I learn better habits, improve my plastic neuronal wiring.
And in the interim I am just so grateful for my fiance, my rabbits and my birds.